So many explanations and so little time.
Isn't that how life goes sometimes? One minute you're here, the next minute you're there. It's something I've come to expect out of life now that I'm better understanding the world. Everything changes. And when it comes right down to it:
You have to bend with the wind.
So I hit my 1-year anniversary here in Hollywood, California, and basically I was confronted with the horrors of my existential contemplating. I have been here for a year and I still don't have that fabled "entry level" job into the industry. I've been working so hard for so long and it still hasn't come. I got hurt by numerous people and I suffered severe emotional and spiritual hardships.
That and I thought about what I really wanted out of life. Why do I love animation? Why did I want to pitch a show? I wanted to give myself back to the people who made me happy, who gave me hope and happiness when I was fresh out. Who made me laugh and cry and think about what life is all about. Who taught me what friendship was and how much family and home mean to me. To inspire the new kids who are going through the same things I did, be it in another form and in a different time. Some things change but many things are always the same.
I wanted some things for the wrong reasons. When you see the people you admire not being happy - what's there to gain by following their paths? If the end result is unhappiness, count me out. I don't care anymore if I make a name for myself. That's not what I wanted. I just want to create and share.
I've rediscovered the power of the Internet. I don't need a studio to do my shows, I can make my own. I may not make any money, but why the hell not? Besides I wasn't in here to make money anyway. The only reason I wanted to get in the studios was to see how they did it. And I think I know now. I've seen more than I probably wanted to, but it was a good thing. My eyes are wide open and I was able to grab myself before tumbling into a pit of despair and mediocrity. The world is at my fingertips and all I have to do is create.
Change is coming. I don't know in what form, but I know that the Internet will be part of that new change. It's already started and as the old generations fall apart and the young people take charge, we will see another technology boom. Count on it.
I don't want this all to be doom and gloom though, lol. Sheesh, Joanie, don't get all preachy on us, right?
To sum things up, there's opportunity in Seattle for lower cost of living (in more than just apartment rates) better weather and possible jobs. I'm excited! I know things won't be easy. If LA is any indicator though, I'm a true Freedom Fighter - I'm a survivor.
No matter what happens, I'm sticking to my guns and going for what I want. I'm going to keep writing my young adult novel and dabble in my art as I like and as I explore my new world I'm about to create. Whatever happens, I know that God is with me. He's made me to be my own unique person and to find happiness here along my journey of life. I'm working hard to create a better world and I know that no matter what it was worth everything I've put down.
Dear Reader, if you have something that you want more than anything else, than go for it! Don't let anyone tell you that you can't. But also, don't be afraid to do it in a creative way. New cartoons are springing up on the net like wildflowers. You can too. Just do it! Who cares if no one likes but you, do it anyway! Do it!
I've been at the lowest low. At one time I suffered from severe depression and I thought "why bother"? But I know why now.
You see, it's not only "Yes We Can!" But "YES I CAN!" You have the power to make your own happiness and to share it with the world. No one can ever take that happiness away from you, because you made it and it's in your heart.
Love to all,
- Joanie /^>