I can't believe I'm actually going to be in Kansas City this year for Christmas. It's true! Last year when I was working through Christmas at Shutters on the Beach and Casa Del Mar, I did some serious thinking about the holiday season in general. It was very different for me.
I didn't have a tree. I didn't have a family. I didn't have a feast. I had a banquet microwave dinner and my feet were exhausted from being up all day - and I had to go to bed early knowing I had to get up to work again.
I had a little ornament on my desk from Casa. I still have it here too. It's a little shopping bag with some sparkles on it. I got it for 6 dollars on half-price the last day I worked there. It's to remind me of that job. To not forget what Christmas is for.
I know, I'm starting to sound like a holiday special, but you know what? Those are some of my favorite programs. They remind me why I'm alive. What's important. You're family, your friends, having a home and a warm place to stay when the weather is nasty outside.
Love is so important. It should be cherished.
It's not about gifts. I learned that a few years back. I used to be rather miserly about Christmas, thinking it was only a "good" one if I got what I wanted. I'm not ashamed to admit that. I think it's something most young people in this country go through. You have to fight back the consumerism.
It's about being together, being thankful, and celebrating life. I still believe in God no matter what's happened to me so far. I think I always will. God has never given me a reason to believe he doesn't exist, but I still doubt just like any normal person. I just work through it. The fact that I made it through so much hardship and here I am smiling and typing with the snow is just proof of that. I think everyone has to find their own proof in what they believe, which is why I never force my opinions on someone else. Everyone is on their own journey.
I'm going through a lot of changes this year - it will be interesting to see where I am this time next year. I won't say any more of those "next year I'll be" because I never know where I will end up next.
If you had told me 5 years ago I would be living in Seattle, I would have laughed my head off at you and called you nuttier than a fruitcake. But you were right regardless because here I am. I think that's a big part of life. My theatre professor said, "you wouldn't want to know how it ends, would you?" and I agree. I'd rather be surprised. So here's hoping next year I end up somewhere just as interesting with more stories under my belt. :)
Love to everything and everyone in the universe,
- Joanie /^>